If I have to explain
this rating, I am
saddened.
This movie will move
you... to catch up on
sleep.
Goodness
No redeeming
social value,
but great good
fun.
Deserving of a temple
dedicated to its
genius.
Kicks ass, takes
names: will leave you
dazed on the floor.
I don't even know what to say.
This movie may quite literally leave you speechless. It's probably the best thing
Jet Li has ever done. I know he plans to move beyond martial arts movies: he's
ended that phase of his career with an atom bomb, not a whoopee cushion. Nothing
flaccid about this flick.
I'm not going to go into the story line or anything else you're going to find on
IMDB. I'm just going to say what I, as someone who just came off a month of
intensive martial arts research, think about it.
Good. God. Damn.
Now mind you, it was staged fighting. But I forgive them the edge-on-edge parries
(especially as they showed exactly what happens to a sword when you do that - you
end up with a saw blade, not a pretty, razorlike edge). I forgive them the
cutting through one sword with another. I forgive them because they hove so close
to fact in so many ways instead of flying off into the asscrack of "You know what
would look really cool even if it never happens in real life?" I forgive them any
license they took because the story was so damn awesome.
If you like martial arts films, go see this one. If you don't like martial arts
films, go see this one. There's a little something for everyone. Ignore the bits
o' cheese if you're not a fan of the genre - or at least try to savor them. Jet
Li's gone out at the top of his form, and if this movie is any hint of what he's
going to be doing as far as acting in the future, I think Hollywood's A-List had
better be shitting themselves in terror. He's turned in to a damned fine actor as
well as an incredible martial artist.
I award this film both the and the for giving me an
antidote to the poison that
was Hollywoodland.
I have heard some people like this movie. I don't know why.
The only thing that saved me falling asleep was my shoes. I was wearing the
Chinese Laundry slides with the nice rhinestone band across the toes. I spent
most of the movie moving my feet to watch the stones sparkle in the dim light.
Occasionally, that would get dull, so I would turn to my companions to make sure
they were still alive. They were asleep. I left them to their rest and wished I
could get some of my own.
I have no complaints about the acting. Adrian Brody did as well as he could with
a script that smelled worse than stinky French cheese left in the backseat of a
car in Phoenix in high summer. Ben Affleck can't act, but we all knew that. He
actually does very well as a jaded TV actor. And to be fair to him, when you take
him off the big screen and stick him opposite Jon Stewart, he's quality people.
Where does this leave us? With a script that wanted to be moody and mysterious
and noir, but failed in all of these things. For moody, they achieved wanky. For
mysterious, they achieved corn. For noir... they didn't.
If you want to see a movie that makes fiction far more boring than the real life
story it was based on, absolutely go see this movie. Bring your
This movie earns the first ever Blows Goats rating. I'm excited
about this. I'm picky enough about the movies I watch that I
thought it would be much longer before I got to use my pride and
joy. I now bestow upon this movie one Bob the Goat, and wish I
had a herd.
This movie is wrong in so many ways, I can't even count them. I was laughing too
hard for math, anyway.
Everybody from Clerks is back. It's ten years later, and Dante and Randall now
work at Mooby's, flipping burgers, painting the boss's toenails, and questioning
the meaning of life. Jay and Silent Bob are fresh from rehab. As in the first,
life chooses Dante to shit upon, only it has far more to work with since he's
engaged now...
If you will be offended by a Got Jesus? t-shirt, mocking of The Lord of the Rings,
bestiality, drug deals, huge white asses, foul language, or irreverence toward the
fast food industry, you should not see this movie. If, however, you love Kevin
Smith, you will only love him more after this. This is the first sequel I've seen
in ages that actually honors and transcends the original. Kevin Weisman from
Alias is among the cameos, playing the best Lord of the Rings geek ever created.
Transformers is not spared. It slows down in only one spot, and only for a moment
- the rest is the sick, twisted, oddball, bizarre Dadaist Smithfest we have all
come to love and expect. This movie makes me want to worship Kevin Smith. I
wanted to come home and do nothing but watch Kevin Smith movies for the rest of
the day. And night. And my life...
And so, I bestow upon it the coveted rating, and yet am also obligated
to award it the seal of
approval.
Holy shit, that was a great movie. Thank you, Kevin Smith, for being the twisted
genius you are.